This is the latest installment of "Ask A Bro" with Waffles McButter. Previously: A Girl Asks How Much Cleavage is Too Much Cleavage?, How Can I Get My Girl to Go Further in the Bedroom?, My Ex Won't Stop Calling Me... Two Years Later, and Should I Be Honest About My Sex Number, And Should I Believer Hers?, Should I Tell My Friend He's Getting My Sloppy Seconds?, and Scraping the Bottom of the Mail Bag for Squirters, Phantom Boners, and the Ass-to-Tits Ratio. Got a question of your own for Waffles? Email askabro1 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Dear Bro,
I was hoping you could help me decipher my relationship status. I have been hooking up with this man-child for a few months now and I have no idea if we are dating, going steady, or what. We usually hang out every weekend and sometimes during the week. How do I know if we're a "couple"?
Sincerely,
Puzzled Girl

Dear Lass,
So, you want to know if this son of a bitch actually wants to be with you OR if he and his dick have no intention of ever buying the milk. You know, you women are all the same; you just can't leave sufficient alone. If you were in a defined relationship, you'd be asking me when this poor slob is going to fork up $20K on a ring and drag your ass down the aisle. And I'd gladly answer, "If he knew what was good for him, his already-thinning hairline, and his personal finances, NEVER!!" But that wasn't the question, so forget I ever said that.

By this point in time you probably would have hoped to hear him mutter the phrase, "Will you be my girlfriend?" or even "Hey sexy thang, let's say you and me go steady." But instead all he ever says is, "Let's eat a Slim Jim and then I'll billy club you in the face with my cock." A comment in which some delusional persons might translate as, "Baby girl, you're the one for me." But in reality it just means he wants to enjoy some second-rate beef jerky and then break his cock on your face. But I can see the confusion, if it's said with the right sentiment.

Now I know it probably stings that he hasn't made the advance to define the relationship yet, it's been a few months and if you're sticking around, you're there for a reason. You like him and you want to know if those feelings are mutual. If there haven't been any actions on his part to directly suggest that you are "together," there are a couple ways to tell.

1. Does he make time to see you in a situation that isn't advantageous to him?
2. Does he take you out to dinner, and pay?
3. Does he include you in situations where other girls will be involved?
4. If you need a favor or help with something, has he been there, or at least offered?
5. Would he buy you tampons?

If he does some or all of those things, it is safe to assume he is into you and not just as a sock puppet for his penis.

I sympathize with your situation (I'm not actually dead on the inside). You want him to melt when he looks into your eyes, you want to consume his every thought, like he does yours, and after a certain amount of time, it's probably not too much to ask for. If you really want to know where his head is at, just ask him -- when he isn't drinking. Most men aren't wired to haphazardly throw feelings around like it's napalm. Sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction. The outcome may not be what you want to hear, but at least it's better than you wasting your time.

Candidly,
Waffles