The Top 10 Mancessories Every Bro Should Own

Everyday Joes should be proud of a simple existence. Cluttered closets are for chicks, but some things we accumulate are just right and deserve our time and storage space. Here's our list of 10 mancessories you shouldn't be ashamed to own. [inline:vec] 1. The multi-million candle-power spotlights. With handgun grips and trigger activation, blinding people at the speed of light has never been more fun. Carry one in your car and when things get sketchy at a rave, whip it out and play cop and watch 'em scatter like roaches. Be sure to score one with a locking trigger, bolted on hardware that allows it to free stand, and in-car charging cables. If you really want to shine people on, be the guy who shows up to the lake with Vector's twin beam 3 million candle power super light. Now all you need is 2,000 buddies with the same light and you can signal spacecraft together. [inline:pulaski] 2. A Pulaski. Named after firefighting legend Ed Pulaski, who during a raging 1910 blaze in Idaho ordered his crew to stay inside a mineshaft for their safety and wound up saving their lives. Since some of the panicked nancies wanted to flee into open flames and certain doom, Pulaski kept them in the shelter at gunpoint. If saving a crew of firefighters wasn't enough, he then went on to craft the half-ax, half-mattock wildland firefighting essential tool -- the Pulaski. From prepping gardening soil to breaking fireline, the Pulaski is a must-have mancessory. Keep one around to split logs for cozy fires with your lady in the winter. Nothing beats a romantic lesson on how to wield a hybrid ax. Besides, that sort of exchange is a great barometer to gauge what type of woman you're with. If she can brandish a Pulaski, she's a keeper. If she balks, don't count on her to save you when a campsite-invading bear is death humping you.

[inline:abstrap] 3. The Perfect Pull-Up. All right, so the fitness benefits are a given, but the real value comes in when you mount the Perfect Pull-Up bar in a hallway frequented by foot traffic of the lady kind. I can't count how many times I've had the ab straps hanging from the bar when femmes come over and instantly the topic of freaky sex is breached. The whole setup is a choice ice breaker that gets women thinking of fornication and your body all at once without you being a gym-loitering douchebag about it. [inline:bullet] 4. The Magic Bullet. Yeah, it's an infomercial mini-blender. So what? It's also the perfect way to make and take your recovery shake for a post-workout chug. Plus, it's instant workplace fodder with office hotties who notice you carrying around a ridiculously shaped cup, and without fail, proceed to ask, "Is that a Magic Bullet?" Yes ladies, yes it is. My favorite Frankenstein blend is a banana, six strawberries, a cup of mixed berries, two tablespoons of peanut butter, honey or agave, and a scoop of protein powder good for 45 or so grams of protein. Did I mention that entire concoction is portable and fits in the average cup holder? [inline:shoes] 5. Slip-ons. No, not your nana's pre-bedtime fuzz numbers. I'm talking chocolate brown and tan argyle-patterned stunners, just right for a night out in the summertime. They're incredibly cheap (I swooped two pair for $40 last week) and their basic design is like an empty canvas -- perfect for ambitious designers to add endless character. Excellent for many levels of casual while still maintaining the ability to run in case, you know, shit happens. Flip-flop wearing males become instant hurdles in your dash to safety. [inline:pug] 6. A Pug. Any bro can appreciate the magic that a pug brings to any scene. Their grunting, the hilarious tragedy of their smashed faces, and the general chillness of their nature makes them great party additions as well as a walking reason to be grateful for working airways. Bred to be lapdogs for Chinese royalty, they're just right for city-dwelling bachelors who enjoy brash dogs but don't like massive poops inherit with bigger, brawny breeds. Of the great pugs I've known, here are some classic names: Yoda, Otis, and Hercules. [inline:carab] 7. Carabiners. From playing janitor by hooking a hundred keys on your belt loop to saving your ass in rappel gone wrong, these beauties come in all shapes and sizes and make life better in so many ways. Need to leave your pup outside the store? Keep a high-strength aluminum "D" carabiner at the end of the leash. After pups plays motor hooked to your beltline during the longboard city romp, he'll be on lockdown while you look for "Cliffhanger" on VHS, which to note, features a tragic intro scene involving gross carabiner misuse. [inline:trailer] 8. Ratchet straps. Ask any motocrosser or mover about these intangibles and you'll soon wonder why you don't own a set. Besides making manly clicking noises when you're tightening them down, a good ratchet strap set, much like a good condom, keeps your load under control. Check out uscargocontrol.com and let your mind wander, pondering what on earth you'd strap down using air cargo-approved 20 footers. But for utilitarian -- and practical -- purposes, a set of auto tie downs with flat snap hooks are great all-arounders: Channel your inner Jesse James and bolt on a family of 360 degree-rotating pan fittings in strategic places around your truck bed for the ultimate expression of cargo mastery. [inline:leather] 9. A Leatherman. You knew it'd be on here because what's more affirming than impromptu MacGyver sessions with your little belt-clip toolbox? My weapon of choice is a 17-tool titanium all-star with a bit sheath. It's reaching that magical point in a multi-tool's life when every apparatus has seen battle and the movement is smooth and still precise. Granted, the only drawback to a Leatherman is trying to ensure you have it accessible when needed, but that would require dressing up like a maintenance Batman, so choose your stash spot wisely. [inline:truck] 10. The Truck. Ahh, sweet symbol of all that is man: The pickup truck. Surely all of you had a special one pop into your mind that at one point in your life truly touched your heart. Maybe it was dad's hunting Ford with a winch on the roll bars (mmm, venison for months). Maybe it was a fellow bro's lake-bound, boat-toting steroidal Chevy with a lift and a supercharger. Sure it's ridiculous, but you'd be lying to yourself if didn't find its sand trap bad-assery impressive or the fact that you could do a burnout up the boat ramp with a lake house in tow. Or, just maybe it's that legendary Toyota beater (everyone's got a bro with one) with 300k-plus miles and a ding or dent on every body panel that, for whatever vehicular voodoo reason, simply won't die. My personal gem from the memory files is a quad-cab F350 dually with a V10 diesel engine. The sound was semi-orgasmic and even though I felt like an asshole driving it without a rodeo's worth of farm animals in a trailer, it sure was nice to have people get the fuck out of my way on the road.