College Chick Breakdowns: The Girls of the University of Kentucky

Note from Waffles: To have the chicks at your school/alma mater dissected or if you are a feminist swine with a bone to pick, email me at WafflesMcButter@BroBible.com.

To the chagrin of many of you, I will not be doing the Naval Academy this week. Like most of you, I initially saw the pure comedy that would come out of slicing apart the women there, but then AG made me realize that some articles -- especially those that speak ill towards people who will be serving and protecting our country once they graduate -- should not be written. So it's not that we have gotten soft or no longer want to take hefty shits on people (because that fire still burns bright), it's just that we won't rip apart the people who risk their lives every day so that people like us can sit back and enjoy freedom.

So this week we are continuing with our apparent SEC theme and dissecting the chicks at the University of Kentucky. I did not choose UK because I am trying to complete the SEC schools (eventually we will get to them all) but because March Madness is approaching and with Kentucky being a tournament favorite, there really isn't a more opportune time during the year than now to finally remove them from the purgatory that is my ever-expanding list. (Side Note: If you happen to detest all things related to Kentucky basketball -- John Wall's pathetic excuse for a dance, Coach Calipari's greasy haired gusto and the heartrending departure of Ashley Judd's good looks -- then you might be in luck because it has come to my attention that a BroBible curse may exist. It is still too early to say, but Villanova's basketball team suffered three losses immediately after their College Chick Breakdown was posted on Feb 15.)

The University of Kentucky possesses a geographically diverse student body, which only enhances the crop of ladies to choose from. No matter what kind of girls you are into -- from farm hands to city slickers -- your preferred type of women can likely be found on UK's campus. Even if you like riding cows and fucking girls that resemble the late Jack Palance, Kentucky's campus has its fair share of Duffs (designated ugly fat friends), so you're in luck.

The Looks Department
Even though UK is located in Lexington, the school somehow manages to overcome those unfortunate coordinates to harbor some of the tastiest tail in the country. This next fact alone will be fodder for debate, I'm sure, but it is imperative to mention that the chicks at UK have continuously been rated by Playboy -- a reputable publication on all things hot -- as the sexiest girls in the SEC. One of our sources, a current student at Kentucky, confirmed this supposed hotness by saying "the girls here are such dimes that sometimes it's difficult to walk to class without a raging super boner." For all those curious, a "raging super boner" can also double as both a can-opener and a bicycle pump.

Generally speaking, most of the girls you will find at UK are of the classy southern belle appeal. But keep in mind that with the exceptionally good often comes the heinously bad, so don't be fooled because there are still the aforementioned Duffs on UK's campus. Why do nasty-ass slobs always feel the need to hangout with hot chicks and not together in lonely herds like they should? You tell me.

Sex Life
On a scale of one to 10 -- with ten being the sluttiest slutbag in all of slutsville (the weather there is stunning by the way) -- the promiscuity level at Kentucky can be rated at a respectable 7. Based on several conversations, I have concluded that if upperclassmen didn't exist this average rating would be much higher. Our eye in the sky tells us that when it come to easy chicks on campus, bedding a naive little freshman chick is the hassle-free way to go. You see, during their freshman and sophomore years, the girls at UK go bat-shit crazy for dick, but by the time they hit junior, year the chicks at Kentucky tend to put up more of a fight. But that's probably because their vaginal walls have been shot with more live rounds than a Kevlar vest.

So in conclusion, when you're having a tough day and all you want is for someone to ride your cock like it's a fuckin' hobby-horse, look no further than the freshman chicks at UK.

Party Habits
The ladies at UK may be classy but that doesn't mean that they're too snotty to roll up their sleeves, yank out their tampon, and drink some Kentucky bourbon with the boys. Our insider says, "Girls generally stick to drinking the hooch' (a combination of grain alcohol, fruit punch, Sprite, beer mix) but by the end of freshman year, most girls at UK could, for the most part, drink David Duchovny under the table." I should note that Duchovny is better known for sex addiction, not alcohol abuse, so he'd probably prefer to forgo the drinking and just fuck the girls under the table.

As is with most universities, partying at Kentucky occurs both on and off campus. House parties are commonplace at UK but upperclassmen tend to hit a party and then head out to the bars. A few of the popular booze holes in town are McCarthy's, Two Keys Tavern, and Kitty O'Shea's. The bars in Lexington stay open until 2:30 a.m., but rumor has it that most places adhere to the law when it comes to allowing the underage inside. So if you're an incoming freshman, get your mitts on a believable fake ID before you get to school. It's surely a more valuable asset than a condom ever will be.

Greek Life
According to one guy, all the girls in sororities at UK are rich, good looking, and preppy. He also noted that exceptions do exist but several sororities will not even accept a girl if her looks aren't up to snuff. If she is an ugly legacy they will probably let her in but then she will be treated like shit for four years. Kudos to them for having standards.

One of our Kentucky bros took the liberty to rank the fraternities at UK for us. Although this is a piece on chicks, it's always good to see how each frat stacks up and it's even better when all of you disagree in the comments.
Level 1:
Delt, SAE, Sigma Chi

Level 2:
Pike, Kappa Sig, Phi Delt, Sig Ep,

Level 3:
Sigma Nu, Sigma Pi, ATO, Farmhouse

Apparently the rest weren't even worth mentioning...

Here is how the girls at Kentucky stack up in certain areas:

(Note: For the grading, I took the averages of what each guy submitted.)

Hotness: A-
Willingness to fuck (DTF): B-plus
Daddy's bank roll: B-plus
Alcohol Consumption: B-plus
Intelligence: B-
Chillness: A-
Interest in Athletics: A-
Maintenance Level: C-plus
Prevalence of Fake Tits: C-plus
Overall Grade: A-

Here is a list of the breakdowns that will be coming in the next month or so. Thanks again for all of your help, without it these articles would not be possible.

-- Penn State University
-- University of Texas
-- Clemson University
-- Southern Methodist University
-- University of Southern California

Previous College Breakdowns:
University of Miami
University of California, Santa Barbara
Marquette University
James Madison University
Arizona State University
Johns Hopkins University
Indiana University
Loyola University
Trinity College
Villanova University
University of Alabama

ATTENTION: We want to get an Ivy League school done, so anyone out there with extensive knowledge of a quality Ivy, email me.