10 Ways to Identify a Douchebag
by El Senor | Monday, February 15, 2010 at 11:05am | 87 comments - 1875 reads
From coast to coast our nation's colleges are dealing with a problem more contagious than the infamous swine flu. The issue at hand will not leave you hugging a toilet seat or bedridden for a week. But it does have the power to ruin any good time, which is no laughing matter. The heinous problem I'm talking about can come in many different forms but written below are the major characteristics of college fun enemy Number One: The quintessential Douchebag. If you find yourself with any of the symptoms please immediately remedy the issue by looking in the mirror and questioning your manhood while offering yourself a flurry of self-induced ninja kicks to your dingle dick courtesy of the rest of us. For everyone else, if you find yourself surrounded by people who posses these traits, run away as fast as you possibly can and try to save your night.
10. You have a haircut similar to the leading characters on MTV's hit series "Two A Days." Please think about how upset your dad must be with the person you have become and get it cut.
9. You have convinced yourself the 1990s Starters hat is still cool. The truth is the hat was never cool and here you are, 20 years later, still rocking it.
8. You make sure at least 10 people have your back before you decide you are in fact going to fight someone for the first time in your life. If you need the support of the National Guard before you throw a punch you should probably just go ahead and bite your tongue before you get yourself hurt.
7. You wear Duck boots even though it's 60 degrees out. Come on, man, seriously?
6. You have "no money" when your buddies all throw in for beers or a bag of ganj but at the bar we see you buying shots of Patron for the three little piggies. So douchy. Not only to dick your friends, but, come on man, those chicks have fupas.
5. Your nicotine addiction coincides with your frat brothers'. You guys are so fratty!
4. You have a Grateful Dead poster hanging on your wall but don't know who Jerry Garcia is. You are probably Googling Jerry Garcia as we speak.
3. You ask people where they summer.
2. When you hear the word salmon you think of the color of your collared shirt not the fish Grizzly bears eat. Enough said.
1. You get an allowance. Thanks Dad!!
Please let me know which ones I missed; have no mercy, my friends.
Comments
I do not agree a few things on this list.
Taking a fat pinch of Cope is a very fratty/bro thing.
There is nothing wrong with a salmon collard shirt.
I do not believe those two things are signs of douchebaggery.
salmon is fine....nothing wrong with a salmon colored shirt.
11. You wrote this and your name is El Senor.
El senor, your a fucking tool, that much is clear. obviously some of the things in this article are true but basically your describing a typical bro in a negative way. go write for your school newspaper.
starter hats will never not be straight
El Senor smells like a GDI
i agree with many things on this list but starter hats, along with game bar hats and many other 90s adjustable hats have been a staple of bro-dom ever since they took the world by storm
no problem with duck boots in 60 degree weather bro
I bet you made this list while looking in the mirror.
This list is awful, take it down
half of these reasons are what make bros bros. starter hats are legit. douche bags are guidos and wiggers anyway.
this is the most absurd list ive ever seen, first off no dome piece is complete without its starter snap back. second off, who DOESNT have a salmon shirt, and if not some other pastel which still runs in the family...not picking up on brews with the bros, now thats a serious part foul...amd anyone oblivious enough to not know the music mastery of The Dead and jerry should be forbidden from this site for all of eternity.
I happen to wear duck boots in any weather, pack chancellors of cope and I have a indians starter hat with a paisley brim. I do get my allowance from my grandmother tho.
Worst post that I have ever read on this website. Many of these things such as duck boots, salmon colored shirts, allowances, and "summering" are inherently bro. Bros may, indeed, be douchebags. But, that is purely subjective.
Quite the list to publish on a website called "brobible.com."
this reeks GDI
How the fuck did this GDI's post get on the main page?
who the fuck is this kid half the things in the list are worthy of any bro
dont diss on the kids from two a days since most are bro kings
get a vasectomy
90's snapback hats will always be bro as shit this El Senor is a fool
lovin the indians brosktarian
The two a days haircut is extrememly fratty especially in the south. Bros love to rock shit from the 90's, especially snap backs. Duck boots are legit, and every bro has multiple pastels. Also, it is not bro at all to work during college at some shitty college town restaurant, there are very few bro jobs at college. But, what is bro is to have your parents give you money for food, weed and alcohol. This list is about as bro as jersey shore.
Run as fast as you can? Are you fucking kidding? What creative writing class did you get a D+ in that made you think that was clever. Where did you go to school? Maybe waffles will do a College Chick Breakdown of wherever you went, and just write about how chicks there didnt bang you.
Also, pretty assorted gathering of douschebag symptoms, and you probably alienated 60% people who visit this site, way to know your readers dickflake. How about this for signs of a douchebag: writes a half-assed defamatory articles about something they can't even be funny about.
bullshit
top 5 ways to know you're a bro:
5. flow
4. lax
3. went to prep school
2. go to elite university
1. middle class peons think you're a douche
Paging Dr. Faggot
I used to valet in South Tampa, assdouche city, right behind the douchebag capital known as LA. Anyway, I could pick out the douches before they said a word. The first sign was as they drove up, they were driving a G35....Yes, a nice car, and not neccessarily a sure sign of a douchebag, but it always caught my eye. The difinitive sign was when the individual jumped out of the car, if he was wearing an Affliction shirt or anything that was bedazzled....Definately a douchebag.
While I wholeheartedly disagree with this post, and I'm well aware that many, fuck it, most bros are upper class and affluent, being classist is definitely not bro. There are plenty of middle class bros out there. Bro-ing on a budget is ok.
flaggin 5 out of bounds. skoal 4 life. wtf man coming at frats? not my fault u get stuck dancing with the fatties at our parties cause the bros took all tha dimes.
Dear el senor,
Get the fuck off this site. Obviously you fucking think bro is jersey shore type faggots. Skaol, bar caps, and flow will always be bro nuff said. Go fucking wear your gay edhardy shit and tan you fucking homo.
Speaking on behalf of the bros,
go fuck your hand
wait. you don't get an allowance?
sorry youre mexican
I wish I could see you in person so i could punch you in the fucking face. You sir, are a bro hater. First things first. 1.The fact that you even mentioned the show "Two a Days" makes you a total faggot.
2. Every true bro knows that throwback hats and clothes from the 90's are the shit. Plus, slampieces dig it.
3. What the fuck is this shit about only fighting if you have someone to back you up? Please forgive me for rolling deep.
4. Nicotine? How dare you. Bros fucking love dipping. God I wish i could hear you say the word "fratty". Im not familiar with your dormy words but we are not fratty. We are Frat.
5. Lastly, no true bro will ever work during college. The only exception is working at a bar so you can get cheap drinks for you and your fellow bros. My dad went to medschool so he could pay for my booze and buy me pizza. Fuck you. I hate this post.
you are a douche if...
1. you disagree with anything on this list.
2. you just got really annoyed reading reason #1
Sick post. These kids are tryin to sit here wearing a salmon collard shirt with an ellen degeneres cut and womens footwear talking about how bro they are. what is this world coming to. a bro is defined as follows:
1.) puts his fellow bros first
2.) gets as fucked up as possible as much as possible
3.) doesnt hate on bros, regardless of social standing
4.) fucks hot broads with no emotional involvment.
agreed hawaii bro, best definition of bro-dem iv seen
lax bros= baseball rejects.
wow, fucking GDI. whoever wrote this fucking chugs dicks
Yeah there are so many baseball bros................?
Not bro enough = Baseball fags
this article blows cock i didnt bother to read the comments so i might be beating a dead horse. It is bro as fuck to be rich so allowance is fine. Nicotine is staple to any true bro's lifestyle be it dip or cigs.
El Senor likes Nig Puss
Wow, I enjoy a lot of stuff on this site but can't believe the outrage that came from a post against for the most part blatant douchebaggery. Perhaps it's time for a bit of self-reflection now that I've seen I have something in common with these humps who have their banana hammocks all up in a bunch...nah, I'll leave it to them to realize you can be a tool without bronzer, hair gel, baggy pants, or a hat with the sticker still on it.
Not bro enough = Baseball fags
hey im not a bro... but i love all these comments and i agree with them that whoever wrote this is a flaming faggot.
SO... WHOEVER THE FUCK WROTE THESE COMMENTS PLEASE DO ME
much love,
brah? girl...
dear connecticut BRAH,
leave my state
#0 -your job is to write for a fucking internet blog and come up with 10 funny things that make people douche bags and you come up with this garbage. Not only can you not write and have no sense of humor, you write for a site dedicated to bros and just attempted to piss them off. Get a life/real job/clue.
#11- complains about this post because it challenges your personal broness
duck boots are classy
duck boots are classy
el senor is old as fuck
i wear duckboots when its 100 out hater
bros quit hating, we've all fallen into one of these categories at some point in our life. it takes a true bro to realize they have been a douche bag and posting on this site complaining about a list that challenges your broness is antibro and more importantly, antichay.
p.s. couldn't agree more with number 8
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